Her is some information on this syndrome in addition to the good information you were given by the above experts.
Why does wife abuse occur? Many writers believe the cause is male chauvinism --a male belief that men are superior and should be the boss, while women should obey ("to honor and obey "), do the housework, and never refuse sex. A male abuser is described as filled with hate and suspicion, and feels pressured to be a "man." That sounds feasible but new findings (Marano, 1993; Dutton, 1995) suggest that the chauvinistic facade merely conceals much stronger fearful feelings in men of powerlessness, vulnerability, and dependency. Other research has found abusive men to be dependent and low in self-esteem (Murphy, Meyer & O'Leary, 1994). Many of these violent men apparently feel a desperate need for "their woman," who, in fact, is often more capable, smarter, and does take care of their wants. These relationships are, at times, loving. The husband is sometimes quite attentive and affectionate. Often, both have found acceptance in the relationship that they have never known before. Then, periodically, a small act of independence by the wife or her brief interaction with another man (perceived as intended to hurt him) sets off a violent fight. The abusive man becomes contemptuous, putting the woman down in an effort to exercise physical-emotional control and build up himself. Of course, the insecure aspects of many abusers are well concealed within the arrogance.
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Likewise, battered women have been thought of as weak, passive, fearful, cowering, self-depreciating partners. Of course, some are, but recent findings (Cordova, Jacobson, Gottman, Rushe, & Cox, 1993) suggest that many battered wives, during an argument, are outspoken, courageous, hot-tempered, equally angry and even violent, but they are overwhelmed by the husband's violence. They don't back down or de-escalate the argument; they respond with verbally aggressive, offensive comments. The women were often "unmothered" as children. The male abuser often grew up in a violent environment, where he was sometimes (30%) abused himself or (30%) saw his mother abused. So, we often have a situation in which two insecure but tough, angry, and impulsive people are emotionally compelled to go through the battering ritual over and over (Dutton, 1995).
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Often emotional abuse turns into physical abuse. Researchers are just now studying the complex details of battering by males. There are many theories about male violence: hormonal or chemical imbalance, brain damage, misreading each other's behavior, lacking skills to de-escalate or self-control, childhood trauma, genetic and/or physiological abnormality, etc. Also, beneath the abuser's brutality, therapists look for insecurity, self-doubts, fears of being "unmanly," fears of abandonment, anger at others, resentment of his lot in life, and perhaps a mental illness (Gelb, 1983). Several TV movies, such as The Burning Bed, have depicted this situation. In short, we don't know the causes of wife abuse; it is a safe bet that they are complex.
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Abuse should not happen but no treatment is a sure cure, probably we don't even have a good cure. About half of batterers will not get treatment and half of those that do, drop out. In most cases, it is wise to report the abuse to the police. Most police have had some training in handling "domestic violence" cases; however, officers in New York, which has a mandatory-arrest law, arrest only 7% of the cases and only report 30% of the domestic calls (Ingrassia & Beck, 1994). Police are supposed to provide the victim some protection (of course, this is hard to do and can't be guaranteed). Recent research confirms the benefits of pressing charges in these cases, however. If the abuse is not reported to the police, about 40% of the victims were attacked again within six months. If the abuse is reported by battered wives, only 15% were assaulted again during the next six months. So, protect yourself.
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To the outsider the real question is: Why do they stay together? Why doesn't she leave? There must be varied and complex dynamics which tie an abusive couple together. We have much speculation; we need more facts. Clearly, there are likely to be emotional bonds, fears, shame, guilt, children to care for, money problems, and hope that things will get better. Many abused women are isolated and feel unable to find love again. Some women assume abuse is their lot as a woman, this is an expected part of life. A few women even believe a real, emotional, exciting macho "man" just naturally does violent things. Some violent men are contrite later and even charmingly seductive. Some women believe they are responsible for his mental turmoil and/or are afraid he will kill himself or them. She may think she deserves the abuse. Many (accurately) believe he will beat them more or kill them, if they report the assaults. The abused woman often becomes terrorized and exhausted, feeling totally helpless. Walker (1979, 1993) says the learned helplessness (within a cycle of violence and making up) keeps women from breaking away from the abuser. Celani (1994) suggests that both the abuser ("she can't leave me") and the abused ("I love him") have personality disorders, often originating in an abusive childhood.
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