A man's emotions can have an impact on his sexual desire. If he feels emotionally distant, has issues with self-esteem and how he sees himself, is overworked, stressed, etc. it can lead to a lack of confidence and will show in his approach to sexual intimacy with you. There are so many possible issues that may be contributing to his lack of sexual desire that you won't know for sure unless he tells you. Physical issues such as erectile dysfunction and low testosterone levels would also influence his desire for sex. There are also instances where sexual intimacy is diminished by a person's involvement with pornography or other inappropriate sexual activities. If your husband has lost interest in sex, and there does not seem to be a significant emotional or physical underlying cause, this could be a possibility. Please do not misconstrue this as saying your husband is definitely viewing pornography or having an affair, you mentioned that your husband went to his doctor and was prescribed Viagra, so I would assume his cause is physical.

You have suggested couples counseling, brought the issue to the attention of his doctor and received a prescription for Viagra, made an agreement and set a date to make love, made compromises with his interests at heart and opened up to him verbally and emotionally about how you felt. At this point, there is nothing you can do to make your husband change. Even if your husband in not willing to seek counseling, I believe you should go for yourself. You mentioned that you "feel so ugly, fat, unwanted, depressed, taken for granted, lonely, etc" I'm very concerned for you and really feel that you need someone to talk to about those feelings and how to handle them.

"If it's something that he wants to do then he does it. If it's what I want then he's too tired." A marriage is about the needs of two people. You are putting substantial effort into addressing your needs to your husband. It really seems as though your husband is avoiding sexual intimacy.

You might research Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder and Sexual Aversion Disorder and see if this might be the cause. Inhibited sexual desire (ISD) refers to a low level of sexual desire and interest manifested by a failure to initiate or be responsive to a partner's initiation of sexual activity. ISD may be a primary condition (where the person has never felt much sexual desire or interest), or secondary (where the person used to possess sexual desire, but no longer has interest). -Psychology Today

My advice to you is to research the above disorders and see if it will offer you insight as to what your husband is going through. I only know of what you have told me through your post therefor I cannot make a diagnosis of his condition. You might want to talk to your husband's doctor and see what course of action he recommends.

As for yourself, please do not let anyone determine how you feel about yourself. It's not up to others to make you feel good. It's up to you. You are a wonderful, thoughtful, caring and loving person who deserves to be loved and appreciated. Improve your relationship with yourself. It’s important for you to take care of yourself before you can take care of your husband's needs. The old saying "You can’t give away what you don’t have" applies here.

Make yourself a promise that you’re going to take good care of yourself and be okay no matter what happens in your marriage. Do something for you. Go treat yourself to something you enjoy, whether it is your favorite restaurant, shopping, going to the movies, a walk in the park, a long bubble bath or anything else you prefer, just make sure it's something that you enjoy. I know it isn't possible for you to take an entire day to yourself, but take a moment, no matter how small and do something for yourself. It is your nature to put everyone else's needs above your own, but it is time that you take care of yourself. You need to be strong and stable for yourself and for your children. You said that you would do anything to make your husband happy, so take care of yourself. Please talk to someone about what you are feeling. You are entitled to your emotions, but no one should have to feel unwanted, lonely, depressed or that something is going to happen to them because of their broken heart.

If you cannot get into counseling, here is the number to the depression hotline: (800) 551-0008 please call this number when you are ready to talk to someone. Talking through your emotions is healthy and will allow yourself to release thoughts that are causing you to hurt.

:::I wish you the absolute best and hope this has offered you some helpful insight; if you need anything else, please let me know:::