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After I ended an affair with a man who lives in the ...

Sent to Relationship Experts March 13 2007 at 6:52 AM
   

After I ended an affair with a man who lives in the neighborhood, my husband stayed and we have been doing great so far. The man wo I had the affair with was very controlling and manipulative towards me. In the neighborhood, we have a lot of the same friends. I saw things he was doing and told people I knew he was up to no good and they told me I was paranoid, that I needed to focus on my husband and my family which I did. In the mantime this man was out there talking about me and making me look bad, and of course I was not helping by some of my reactions which might have been viewed poorly but I felt like I was defending myself against this man and I was powerless. They all saw me as crazy and he was shining. Everybody said move on, let it go. I tried and he was still out there talking which he had even done during the relationship, kissing and telling. People yelled at me and made my feel like I was a horrible person. Now he has accussed me of a crime and I am facing

Customer (name blocked for privacy)
Status:  Closed   Value: $9
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March 13 2007 at 6:58 AM (6 minutes and 49 seconds later)
         
Relist: I still need help.
I need help with either a mental health expert or a relationship expert.
Customer (name blocked for privacy)
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March 13 2007 at 7:16 AM (17 minutes and 55 seconds later)
         
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Hi,

I have noticed you have quite a few of unaccepted answers. i will be more then happy to help you but please honor my effort by accepting the answer if it is helpful and accepting the other answers you have been given if they are helpful. ((Thanks))

It sounds like you went though a very stressful situation with someone who has used their prestige to make your life miserable. He sees how this is effecting you so he continues to spread the stories in the hopes that you will react this way and make people dislike you. In essence you are giving him what he wants.

I don't know what kind of legal problems he has caused you as you did not elaborate on those but you truly need to speak with a lawyer about any legal issues. I can only help you with your relationship questions.

It sounds as though your husband has forgiven you but forgiveness is not enough to save your marriage at this point. You must address why you felt the need to look outside of your marriage for this type of relationship. Were you unhappy? What was you looking for? Once you are honest with yourself about why you did what you did you will better be able to understand what happened and learn to forgive yourself. Self forgiveness is just as important in a relationship is just as important as finding forgiveness from your partner.

I would strongly advise you to seek therapy about the this with your husband so you both can work together on the problems that originally caused the infidelity in the first place. Please do not assume it is over simply because he forgave you. Forgiving is one thing learning to trust is another. It will take work out of both of you to learn to trust each other.

As for this other guy, you are going to have to stand up and learn to ignore his behavior. If he talks about you, laugh it off let people know it doesn't bother you and they will know deep down that his behavior is not only childish but tacky as well. When all is said and done if you allow him to pull you down he will. You must stand up and have more class then he has. Did you do something wrong? yes but are you a horrible person? NO! We all make mistakes it is what we learn and take from those mistakes that determines who we are in the end.

As for the legal aspects of all this I would recommend seeking legal advice either on this site (you can ask another question and include ONLY the legal question by doing this is it easier for our legal experts to help you)

I wish you the best with this situation and if you need anything feel free to click reply. Please honor my efforts by clicking the accept button so I receive payment for my work.

Walter



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Walter -- Relationship Mentor -- 100% Positive Feedback on 224 Relationship Accepts
Mentoring couples on relationship issue and self understanding. (JA's Relationship Mentor)
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March 13 2007 at 8:24 AM (1 hour and 7 minutes and 6 seconds later)
         
Reply to Walter's Post: I have sought therapy but realize now that this is a more deep rooted issue and I have posted another question which maybe will state more, I dont know. I did not get the original therapy that I should have as I listened to what everyone else told me. I dont blame them but I have made so many mistakes as far as my actions since then, but nothing criminal, and this man knew I would do that. My husband and I have gone to counseling. I just want more of an explanation of emotional abuse and the manipulation of a person in a relationship and how it affecs someone and how to deal with it. I will get through the legal issue but I want to be able to help myself in the future as I know this man will do other things in the future because he needs that power and he has gotten it from not only me, but my neighbors, my husband, and even now the government.
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March 13 2007 at 8:47 AM (23 minutes and 36 seconds later)
         
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Walter -- Relationship Mentor -- 100% Positive Feedback on 224 Relationship Accepts
Mentoring couples on relationship issue and self understanding. (JA's Relationship Mentor)
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March 13 2007 at 9:00 AM (13 minutes and 15 seconds later)
         
Thanks!
Customer (name blocked for privacy)
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